Family Gratefulness

I had a few things in mind for my gratefulness post today, things that I've been grateful for that I just haven't posted about. Then this morning actually happened. 

A few weeks ago, my friends blessed my socks off by coming over and cleaning my whole house. Yes the whole house, and let me tell you it was bad. Very bad, the kind of bad that you don't know where to start. When they did that some of them took my dirty laundry to their own homes to wash and dry! This morning one of those amazing ladies dropped off a load of laundry. Which turned into her family piling out of their van to join is for breakfast. 

It was great. The random act of having a meal together was pretty much what my heart needed. It's amazing to have friends that you can welcome into your slightly messy home, rocking no make up, top buns, and comfy clothes (or pj pants) with out blinking an eye. Where you can sit and chat about all kind of things, break up toddler fights, and just drink a cup of hot coffee. 

I'm so grateful today for the gift of family friends. Those friends that are more then just friends, that have adopted you and you have adopted them as family. 

Simply Grateful

Sometimes I forget to be grateful for my "things". The little items in my home that make our home, home. The things that cloth my children and myself, or the things that make life a little more fun. 

For some reason it's hard for me to count those things as "gifts". The thought of saying a belonging if mine is a gift makes me feel, well materialistic and snotty. To be honest it feels like if I am grateful for those things, that it's too easy. It's an easy gratefulness, which in my mind translates into lazy gratefulness. Like gratefulness should be harder, we should force our self to be grateful for the things that are hard, exhausting, or just plan annoying. 

It's so not true! A heart of gratefulness isn't about the hard or the easy, gratefulness isn't ranked. Being grateful for the hard things do not give you more points then being grateful for the great things.  But that's what my heart does sometimes. 

I'm changing it. 

Today I am beyond grateful for the simple things: the purple shirt that has lasted 3 pregnancies and still covers my tummy, comfy leggins, my cozy over sized sweater (that my hubby hates) and a hot cup of earl grey. 

Today this combination of things makes my heart happy, and that's ok. It may not be all overly spiritual, but I am still so grateful. 

Snuggly Gratefulness

"Mommy, I want to snuggle you."

I can't think of a better gift today. 

Messy Gratefulness

We live in a messy season. 

There are little boys with loud, messy toys, dirty clothes, dishes, and all the messiness that is life.

I love it. 

Sometimes do I wish my home looks like those pintrest boards with white couches, toy less living spaces, and perfectly crafted gallery walls? Sure, sometimes. Then I look at what's missing. Toys of little ones, the random little pirate undies from little brother trying to be just like big brother, the ball of yarn perched on the couch arm rest. All little things that make our life, our life. 

So today I'm grateful for the mess. I know one day the little undies will disappear, toy race cars will be switch for real cars with smelly friends, and my babies will be out in the world. Instead of snuggles here with me amidst the Legos.  

Brotherhood

I love my boys, with their different personalities, humor, and craziness, they keep me on my toes that's for sure. 

But what's even better is their relationship with eachother. These boys love each other. Sure they fight, bicker, and drive each other (and their momma) crazy but the truly love each other!

That's my gift today, their friendship. 

Extra Time

I used to love the change in time, a whole extra hour a sleep, who doesn't love that. Then I became a parent and an extra hour of sleep is just laughable. Wake times begin at un-godly hour. Which leads to sleepy mommys, burnt toast, and copious amounts of coffee.

Like this morning. 

My youngest missed the memo. 5:30 am his little voice could be heard belting out his favorite song, Bob the Builder and the rattling of little wooden blocks started.

Peeling my self out of bed doesn't even start to cover it. Three nights of awful contractions and limited sleep has left me running at less then half capacity. Grumpily I made breakfast for us while big brother snored snuggled still in bed.

Then watching my little guy eat, it hit me. My gift for today. Extra time with my little guy. 

My little guy, who any day now, will make the big leap from littlest to middle child. My little guy who is about to become a big brother. My little guy who makes me laugh harder then anyone else.

My little guy.

My baby.

My gift. 

Friendship

Today's gift: friendship. 

The good, the bad, the ugly, and the ridiculously silly, all the accepts that come with true friendship. 

Happy Sunday y'all. 

Grateful Sadness

I'm struggling to find a gift today. 

When I rolled (literally rolled, thank you pregnancy) out of bed today I knew it was going to be one if those days. A heavy day, a day where I was gonna have to fight to be present. Fight to find a little joy.

The hardest part of this life, this bi polar up and down life, is knowing the downs are coming. Like clock work I can tell you one is coming. I can feel it, so mornings are spent slowly cracking one eye open and waiting to see. Is today it? Is today the down? This dance goes on for a few days, till the down hits. 

Sometimes it's almost a relief when it hits. Like the anticipation is finally over. Where the day is a little lonely and sad, but ok. Like a gentle song on a radio, and a cup of hot tea, there's a sadness in the down. Almost a comforting sadness, knowing the high mania, the go go go part of your life has a break. 

For years this sadness has crushed me. It would come on like a storm, rageing, threatening to flood my life. Now I've learned the patterns, fought to keep my head above water. Fought to remember the truths, that this is but a moment. The moment will change, the storm will settle, and life will go on. 

It is exhausting. 

It is hard.

It is maddening.

But it's my life. 

My life that is covered in grace. My life that is held in Gods hands. If my life is manic or sad, it remains safely there. Safely in His promises.

I guess that is my gift for today. The promise that tomorrow will be new and today is still safe, even if it's sad. 

Thankful

I used to count gifts. Every day I would find one thing, just one little thing to be greatful for. I would count little things from our day as precious gifts of life. It blessed my spirit to have such a positive attitude about life and came at the perfect time. When you me newborn ends up in the niccu, attached to machines and chest tubes things can get over-whelming quickly. 

Not when your counting gifts.

Chest tubes small enough for newborn lungs.

Gentle hum of machines.

A baby given a chance to breath. 

All gifts. Humble, tiny gifts that brighten your life.

My life hasn't been very bright. 

No I take that back, it has been, I just haven't been looking for those bright shiny gifts. I've been ignoring them, looking at all the ways that life isn't measuring up.

Bills and budgets that don't add up.

Frustrations over my bipolar diagnosis. 

Exhausting from pregnancy. 

Dirty rooms.

Lack of space.

Complaint, complaint, complaint. 

My soul need refined. My eyes need to find gifts, my heart needs gratefulness, my life needs a revamp. 

It's time to start over. Start looking and counting gifts again. Everyday. Here's my plan, a gift posted every day. It might be a photo, a scripture, words from a friends, what ever is a gift for me that day. 

Here we go:

This little man. My oldest baby, my independent, persistent, passionate, loud, little man. He thinks he knows all, and runs the show. He will be a great leader, some day. 

He's my gift. 

Want to know more about counting gifts? Pick up Ann Voskamp- 1000 gifts. There is even an app to help you count and track your gifts.