Nesting into Motherhood

When I started this 31 day challenge, I thought it would be a great way for me to get into a good habit of writing more. I didn't think of the quality of what I was writing just the act of posting more. I would have never thought that it would wreak me like it has while firing something up inside me.

At the start of this nesting challenge my only thought was preparing our home for this next baby. The physical things, clean floors, folding baby clothes, the bassinet pulled out of the closet. Instead I was blind sided by the preparation my heart has gone through. Ive been torn to pieces and stitched back together with so much grace, joy, and excitement for this little girl coming into our lives.

Through this nesting stage, Ive realize how much fear I had over this little life being placed in my hands. How that fear, fear of hurting her, breaking her, was not only tearing me up but stealing this joyous time from me. That my fears not only blocked me from feeling all the joy I could, but blocked me from hearing from God, hearing those pieces of truth, blocked me from nesting into Him.

I know I wont be the perfect girl mom. I'm not the perfect boy mom now, but I am their mom. I am the mom they were suppose to have.  The mom that is a little messy, kind of anxious, and desperatly wants them to be little lights in this world. I'm the mom that has 100 projects she wants to do, but will always put them down for her kids, the mom that tries to do it all and fails. I'm the the mom that loves her kids ferociously. I'm the mom that is little scared of glitter and pink, but willing to throw it all aside if that is what baby girl pate wants.

I'm the mom that knows I can't do it all without God. 

That is my take away from this month. To nest into God, to build my heart, home and life in him. All the little broken twigs and random pieces we gather into our nest are more beautiful and safer when it is intertwined with His grace, His love, His hope, and most of all His promises.

Its sad to come to the end of this 31 days. 

Even if I didn't make it all 31 days it was still a great journey.

You can read all the 31 days of Nesting post here.

Nesting at the hospital

These past few weeks have been rough. Baby girl pate seems bound and determined to come out before she's done cooking and it's totally wearing me out. It seems like everytime I turn around we're running to the hospital in another attempt to to hold on for a little longer.

It's killing me.

It's not the running back and forth, the contractions, shots, or heck even the IV's. It's the not knowing. 

It's it time? Are they going to get the contractions to stop? If she does come will she be alright?

It hit me yesterday how much fear I have going into this delivery. Fear that I haven't had before. Fear that I picked up somewhere that I really don't want. Yes there is so much I can fear right now. Having a csection if she stays breeched, development issues is she comes early, another nicu stay, all things I'm not ready for. Things I'm not ready to face, to fight. 

I'm learning a lot through this 31 days (besides the fact I'm not good at posting everyday). I am starting to see how much fear I carry, and how I carry it around while darting from one thing to another. Im not surprised I landed my self on bedrest. I've said it before, I'm not a good listener, so when I hear stop, I'll stop and just take a baby step. 

I'm not the only one right? 

Nesting into 36 weeks

This past week has been very hard. Surprisingly bedrest is very draining, very draining. Emotionally this is hard for me, the sitting, waiting, not moving, worrying if every kick, bump or hiccup is the start of a contraction. Then once the contractions start is the worry if she is ok, if they will stop, if it's time. It drains me, a lot. 

The worry is draining. 

It always has been draining. Worry is something I am really good at doing. It's second nature, a part of me, and it shouldn't be. I'm trying to learn to be ok with the unknown. Trying to trust the outcome, that these battles have already been won, the fight has already been faught. It's so hard to remember. 

In the panic of life we forget, forget to breath. Forget to remember that everything is going to be ok. 

So I'm going to trust. Remember the truths I know. His ways are great then mine, his thoughts are bigger then my thoughts, his love greater then mine. Life this might be just a blimp, but it's a blimp that He is in control of. 

Nesting into life lately

Oh life lately, how have you changed. This whole bed rest thing is such a curve ball in the plan. I don't like curve balls. But I'm trying, trying to settle into this new routine it's just hard. It's hard to not be able to do a load of laundry, stand for more then 20 mins or have any coffee. 

But she is safe. She is safe in there, growing and that's what matters. Isn't that what motherhood is, sacrificing for our little ones. 

Nesting in the Kitchen- a DIY

I really love a good DIY.
I'm kind of a DIY junkie, I never post them because honestly I always end up hating the pictures I take or I just forget to post them. When I started with 31 days of nesting, I did it will full intentions of doing 31 days of DIYs and organizing but that's not where it went. That's ok.

But, today I'm going to do a little DIY.

The other day I scrubbed my kitchen. Now most of you don't know but that is a huge feat, not only is our house old (aka no dishwasher), we have very limited storage, and I'm just awful at doing dishes. So I broke down one afternoon and scrubbed, reorganized, mopped. I mean top to bottom, inside out kind of cleaned. Yes, that nesting was in full force. A funny thing happened when I was done. I realized I hated my kitchen.

I hated almost everything I had hanging on the walls, any type of decor was making my skin crawl. Dramatic yes, but it got worse. I ripped everything off the walls and stared at the ugly off white creamness that was our walls. Then it hit me, I have no plan for this space. I couldn't put everything back because well, I hated it. Plus I had just pulled shelves off the wall which pulled paint of with it. Needless to say I was staring at more of mess then I started. After a few frantic text to my friends about the likelihood of my death by hubby if I painted the whole thing chalkboard, I remembered the gallon of paint I had laying around the house. Yes I had a gallon of paint laying around, remember what I said, DIY junkie.

So 3 in the afternoon I cracked the can open and started painting.
By 7, the kids where in bed, the wall was finished and this beautiful blue needed some decorating. But decorating with what? Stuck right back in the place I was a few hours before this time with a blue wall, I jumped on Pinterest and found this great, easy DIY.

from Anatomy of a Craft.

Cute huh? 
Well I didn't have the letters, or two matching frames. I did have spoons, spray paint and a canvas.
After a quick coat of chalkboard paint over a canvas picture I'm sure why I bought to begin with, I started lining up my spoons. Five to be exact, one for each of our little family. A few sprays with some pretty white spray paint and voila!

The Pate family in spoons.

I really love it, and it cost me nothing. It was really fun taking little things that we already had and making something new out of it. Plus the hubby loved that I spent nothing in the process!

I have a few more things I want to add to our little wall but for the most part I really love it! 

Nesting into Rest

We've been taking it easy this weekend, thus the skipped post yesterday and the barely making it in today. Sunday was spent in bed. Between accidentally forgetting to take my bi-polar medication and a huge lack of sleep the night before, everything in me was screaming rest. 

The funny thing is, as exhausted both physically and mentally that I was, I still felt guilt for resting. Like I didn't have the right to rest, after all there were things that needed to be done. I honestly, have felt guilty right until this moment for rest the past two days. 

Make me wonder why.

Why do we glorify busy and exhaustion?

Why do I feel like I have to ask permission to rest? 

Why do we have to have an excuse to rest?

With my body hitting a wall this pregnacy, I have to rest. I physically have no choice. I find it funny how God is using so much of this last pregnancy to teach me to stop. To teach me to rest. Not just rest, but be comfortable and safe in the resting. It's one thing to rest when your body is shutting down and forcing you. It's another to find peace in resting and making rest a part of your rhythms. 

I have no idea how. I'm just realizing there is a lot God is trying to say to me in rest. 

I wonder what else He has in store for me this 31 days. 

Accidental Nesting

I thought today, no nesting was done. It was a busy day full of birthday party fun, sickly momma, naps, and a few errands for craftiness. Then I realized now at 10 pm, so much nesting was done. 

We nested into friendships.

Nested in to rest, into family, into creating just to create. We nested into life.

I guess it was a good "nesty" day after all. 

Nesting Hungry

I've never been a big cook. Now I can crock pot like a champ, but pots, pans and skillets, they don't work for me. It has been the thing that has made me feel kind of like a failure in the home a lot. Too make it worst the hubby is an amazing cook, like a kitchen ninja. He can pull the three most random things out and bang, amazing dinner. Meanwhile I cook with my keurig.  

I'm trying to find a way to enjoy cooking. Durning this nesting series I'm trying to find joy in the mundaine, in the things I don't enjoy. It's so easy to find joy in the things that come naturally to you, it's painful to find joy in the things that you well, suck at. 

So I've been trying new things. Thanks to Pinterest I've found a few recipes that I've tried and work ((a few that were total fails)). The other night I made a chicken dish that not only was easy but, the hubby love. It's not apart of our go to dinners. 

Italian chicken and veggies:

Fresh green beans

Red potatoes 

Chicken breast

Italain dressing (this is were I tweeked) 

Heat the oven to 350

In a baking dish line the green beans, chicken and red potatoes in rows.

Cover lightly in Italian dressing

Cover in alumina foil

Bake for an hour. 

Here's the reasons for my tweeking. 

First, honestly I miss read the recipe when I made my grocery list (like I said not a cook) and didn't buy Italian dressing seasoning. So I just used dressing and it was yummy! 

Second they don't call to cover the dish while baking, but I always cover chicken. It keeps the chicken much more moist (sidenote: I hate that word? Is there something else we can use?) and potatoes tend to cook better that way.

I hope y'all try the dish, it was a total win.