A List of Crumbles

I love all things planning, check list, goal settings, and inspirational. Forget flowers, a new notebook with unfilled pages, is the most amazing thing ever. The most wonderful time of year growing up was back to school. The notebooks, pens & pencils, all gave so much joy and hope.
I am one of those "listers" that writes in something I have already done just to have something to check off right away. I rewrite our grocery list a million times to make it pretty, I love fill in the blanks, note cards, journals, and all things paper and listish.

But then I panic. Items stop getting checked off, list begin to pile up, notebooks stop being filled, and life starts to crumble. My list fail me.

Failures lead to discontentment.
Discontentment leads to more. More things to do, to buy, to make, to sign up for.
Busy, busy, busy...I have been discontent, busy, and exhausted. Looking for something to add to make these feelings go away. Until the other day.

While the hubby and I were chatting we started talking about parenting, more specifically motherhood and my listing ways. After a long conversation, a few duh huh moments, and a bit of  punch in the gut I realized something big about me. I really except a lot out of my self.
No really, an unrealistic stupid amounts of things to do, friendship to maintain in a deep fresh way, a marriage to constantly feed into, and a real simple pinterest perfect home, oh and you know raise three perfectly amazing kids.
All good things.
All things to fail at.
All things we can't do all of perfectly, everyday, every moment.

It is just not going to happen.
We aren't perfect. We are never going to be perfect. Things aren't going to go as plan. List wont be checked off, items will be forgotten, and we will fall into discontentment. Where we feel like big ol' failures. What I expect out of me is perfection. Perfection that comes solely from my doing. Me, just me.
...........
See where I'm going with this? I am going to fail because I wasn't made to do it all, all by myself. I will end up crumbled on the floor. Pleading for help.

Which is where I should have started to begin with. Crumbled on the floor, knowing that I can't do it all, knowing that I need Him. Daily, every moment, all the time. Let Him restore my spirit, my will, my mind. His way is restoration. Mine is failure.