Thursday, March 20, 2014

I am bipolar

Today is Bipolar Awareness Day. 
When I was first diagnosed, I ran. Ran hard from this label. I was terrified of what it meant, of what it said about me, that it meant I was weak. 

If I was strong enough, I could buck up and move on. 

You can't buck up.

This disorder is powerful, it kicks your tail in ways that most can't imagine. The mania is spastic and out of control, while the depression cripples and phyiscally hurts. All mixed with anger and frustration, all in one 24 hour span. The cycling leaves you questioning. Questioning your identity, which side of the cycle is really you? Questioning if you can keep going. Are you hurting others, your family, you kids? Is it fair that they are dealing with this? When are they going to give up and leave?

Questions, tons of hard, painful questions. 

I don't have all the answers, heck I have very few answers. But I do know this. I am not bi polar, I have bipolar. Just like I have dark hair, blue eyes, or my second toe is longer then my big toe, it is apart of me, not me. Not my identity. 

My identity is in God. I am who He says I am. I am His child, who He has trusted these children to, this marriage to, these friends to, I live through His power. Not through my bipolar. 

Even in my darkest, scarest days, while I  spinning like a top, He's there. 

He's bigger than me.
He's bigger than my bipolar. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

30 reasons

I have this thing with crowns. 
Now, I don't rock one every day, but I will rock a crown on my birthday. There's just something about a birthday, you can get away with some silly stuff. 

30 reasons to rock a crown.

1. It's your birthday.
2. Laundry is more fun to fold.
3. Pedis look better when matching a crown.
4. Lip synic car solos are more awesome.
5. Bubble baths always need a crown.
6. Reading, come on, who doesn't want to be Belle? 
7. Your kids will think your awesome (if they are little)
8. Your kids will think your crazy (if they are older) 
9. It's Monday
10. It's Tuesday 
11. It's Wednesday 
12. It's Thursday 
13. It's Friday 
14. It's Saturday
15. It's Sunday
16. Your kids are melting down. They will be so confused they will stop crying, trust me, it works. 
17. Dishes get cleaner when being washed by someone in a crown.
18. Same with dusting.
19. Scrubbing a toilet while rocking a crown, a Cinderella experience. 
20. Paying bills. I know I need everything I can get to make that better!
21. Grocery shopping, extra points if you ride in the cart.
22. Shoe shopping. Go after you do number 19. 
23. Changing a squirmy babies diaper, distract them with the sparkles. 
24. Laying out. Come on a crown goes with everything.
25. Drinking coffee, pinkies out! 
26. Having dinner, seriously royal feast, duh. 
27. Checking the mail, give your neighbors something to talk about. 
28. A play date, nothing says "I'm here to party" like a crown.
29. To bed. If sleeping beauty can do it, so can you.
30. Quite time. We are daughters of the king, sometimes we need a little help remembering it. 

How would you rock a crown? 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Oh 30

I turn 30 Friday. I'll admit, I thought I was good. I was excited about 30 since I turned 27. It's strange I know. But then, it hit. 

I had to trim my bangs wearing reading glass..... 

I am going to try and make this turning 30 thing fun, so this week I am going to be blogging on 30. 

Here's my first 30 on 30.
30 things you didn't know about me.

1. Im scared of turkeys
2. I'm the oldest of 4.
3. When I was a kid, I was in a lot of commercials.
4. I grew up around the TV industry. Its not as cool as you think.  
5. I didn't learn how to walk in heels till I was 20.
6. I had purple hair in high school.
7. I also had blonde hair. 
8. I have a thing with my hair, it just can't stay the same.
9. I had someone once think I was Reese Witherspoon, it made me laugh.
10. I worked in a jewlery store in the Charlotte Airport and saw all kinds of craziness.
11. I'm a big NASCAR fan. Yes closet redneck over here.
12. One word, STEELERS...
13. I went to collage for Interior Design.
14. Didn't graduate because of one credit. (Stupid auto cad) 
15. I'm slightly color blind.
16. I am the worlds worse speller.
17. I don't know how to use a comma.
18. I love to read.
19 I read the whole Ann of Green Gables collection one summer when I was 10.
20. I danced for 10 years
21. I played one season of basket ball (it was as bad as you can imagine.)
22. I'm 5'3 (see previous)
23. All of my siblings are significantly taller then me. 
24. I moved to Charleston on  a whim. (It was just suppose to be a week vacay!)
25. I had cervical cancer at 20.
26. I wasn't suppose to be able to have kids naturally.
27. I was 21 when I got my drivers license.
28. Our wedding was a surprise wedding (that's the way to go!)
29.  I swear I saw a ghost when I was little.
30. I'm very claustrophobic! 

Do you have any random facts? I would love to read them.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Dear Yoga Pants

Yoga pants, I remember the day you came into my life. I was swollen, pregnant, sick, chasing after a toddler, while out of town. The out of town trip where I magically grew twice my size till nothing I brought, fit. But there you were yoga pants. Ready to give me comfort and the gift of breathing again. 

Oh yoga pants, we have come through so much. The birth of my little guy, and trips to the niccu. To late night feedings and runs to Target. Remember when it was me and you, for days on end, when the hubby was out of town for months? You gave me so much comfort and made it easy to collapse into bed every night in comfort. Battling toddlers, stomach bugs, and another pregnancy, we got through it together. 

I still laugh at the few times we worked out. What was that about? We both knew we were meant to be together, curled up on the couch, pretending we were watching doc mcstuffins because the kids wanted too. 

Good times yoga pants, good times. 

Oh yoga pants, I guess it was too much for you. To much togetherness, to many days changing diapers, kissing boo boos,  cleaning the house, pretending to be 'active'. Yoga pants, it's time for you to go. You have be worn with love and dedication, what more can a pair of pants ask for? After all, the holes across the rear shows our battle scars, and shows my undies, which is why your now sitting in the bottom of the trash can. 

Because really no one wants a toddler poking them in the butt laughing at their undies, all day. 

So good bye old friend, it's been a ride. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Oil Junkie

My name is Tiffany, and I'm an oil junkie. 
Whew, it feels good to say that. 
Seriously, we are an oil family. It has been a slow process but, has changed so much for our lives. I have had a lot of people ask me about oils, and it can be a very overwhelming, but if you start small it is easy to manage. For us it started with my search for a holistic approach to help manage my emotional well-being.
But oils can be used for everything. Here is just an example of all the ways we use our oils almost every day.

For the baby girl, we use it mixed with a carrier oil (we use coconut oil) on her chest to help her digestion. Since we have been using it, she has been able to lay on her back again with out any pain, and with minimal spit up.
Its allergy season down here already. Peppermint has been helping just breath better. We use peppermint with a carrier oil and rub it to chest and bottom of the little ones feet. 
I had my first cycle since the baby was born and I was, well awful! I mixed peppermint and lavender with a carrier oil to ease and relax my muscles and give me some extra energy. Peppermint is also a great pick me up and appetite suppressant.

Lavender is amazing. We put it on the little ones feet to help them sleep.
Lavender is great for cuts and skinned knees, so with two boys around the house, we get a lot of use out of the lavender!

I'm slightly addicted to the lemon, not only does it smell amazing, you can clean basically EVERYTHING with it. Bye bye chemicals. The biggest thing about them, is its a total detox for you body. Every day I drink a nice glass of lemon water. It has replaced this coffee addicts 3 pm cup of coffee. I can say I feel great afterwards. Both of our little guys easily get, well we will call it bathroom issues. Sometimes they won't go for a few days, and by then its a big issue. After trying everything on the market to get one of them to go, I finally tried a little lemon in water and  has helped keep them regular. No crying, cramping, or drama, it was just done and life moved on. 

I love these oils. Its pretty amazing how simple they are and how much you can do in your daily life with just these three little bottles! 

Wanna look at more oils? 
Check out my doterra
and if you have any questions feel free to ask! 
I would love to help you become an oil junkie too!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Little Mommaness

I am a little momma. Not just because I'm 5'3", and on the petite side. Not just because I am a mom to three. I have always been a momma. I was the little girl that when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, always answered mom. My siblings were forcefully encouraged most weekends into playing house, and I loved every minute of it. I just was waiting to be a little momma.

So it is strange that last week I went to talk with a friend, I was hit with my little momma-ness. What started with just sitting together, ended with prayers, tears, worship, hugs and restoration.

For me.

The funny thing is. I went for her. To hold her hand, pray with her, do anything I can to help her. But left different. While speaking and praying with her, I could just feel God saying, "you too".

As we talked about claiming "it is done" over her battles, I heard "yours too".
While we prayed accepting the gifts He gave her, I heard "you too."
When we cried, I cried for my past too.
We spoke life into her fears, and life was spoken into mine too.

See I am finding my little momma-ness more and more. I love to listens to peoples stories, pray over pains, speak life into hurts, and encourage people to claim what was already given to them to claim. I momma people. I love to momma people to God.

I'm little. I have a little understanding, He has it all. His ways are bigger then mine, His thoughts are larger then mine. He knows how the story will end, I just know that He knows the story. The sweet thing about being a little momma, is that I can get out of the way. I can let Him move, and move me where He wants. Where He wants me looks little to me, and honestly for a long time that has been very hard for me.

I've wanted more.
More people to love on.
More people listening to me.
More people reading what I have to say.
I didn't want to be little. A little blogger, a little leader, a little person. I didn't want to just be a little momma.
I wanted greatness.
But greatness is not mine to be had.
It's His greatness to be shown.

So who am I to dismiss the littleness that He has granted me?

I am a little momma, wife, blogger, friend, and person. 
Its perfect.

Monday, January 27, 2014

About A Boy

I broke him, my little man.  All he wanted was a mommy date.

What was suppose to be a sweet mommy and son date didn't even get off the ground before I had already opened my big mouth and crushed his little heart. All out of impatience. That little face was so excited to go out with mommy. With our lives changing at a rapid pace with a new baby, a busy schedule, and life just getting a little nutty, all my little man wanted and needed was some time with his mommy.

He is growing so quickly, with so many little quirks, that I just want to soak up every moment of his littleness. Littleness that I know wont last forever. Right now, I am his best friend, his buddy, his mommy.

I love it.
I need to remember it more often.

But by the time we bundled up and walked out to the car, I was rushing. There was only so much time before the other babies would be up from naps, a huge list of things the hubby needed to finish, and not enough time to get all the things on my list checked out. I started focusing on the busy, instead of the boy.

The boy that just wanted to check out the ants before getting in to the van.
The boy that wanted to remind me that we don't stand there.
The boy that wanted to sit in his car seat and not his brothers.
The boy that wanted to grab his airplane to ride with him.

The boy, my boy. My buddy that wanted nothing more then to just hang out with his mommy.
A mommy that forgot what she was focused on, the boy, not the list.