The 2013 Chapter

This motherhood thing is not what I thought I was signing up for. Now don't get me wrong, I am blessed to be a mom, I adore my kids, and would never want to be ungrateful for them. Especially after being told I would never have children, I am stunned by the blessings of them.

But that did not make this year any easier.

This is where I have struggled. I know that I am blessed, and I am beyond thankful but it is hard. This is a hard, bumpy season full of sleep deprivation, too much coffee, terrible twos, strong willed boys, long working hours, and stretching ends to meet. This season wears out a soul, and crumbles spirits quicker then my coffee turns cold. The feeling of being blessed is replaced by pure exhaustion and questions of when my last shower was. Nothing can make you feel less human then the decline of personal hygiene. Life makes you hazy, unfocused, grumpy, and just plain blah.

That's where I have been, Blahsville.
Population, one smelly mommy.

While people are writing resolutions, words for the year, verses to live by I have been caught in the middle of begging for 2013 to hurry up and be over while desperately holding on to it, trying to give it one more shot. It doesn't work. 2014 came, no matte how ready I was to say hello to it, it happened. Calenders where changed, glasses where toasted, food was eaten and the year changed. 2013 ended with out a  pretty bow.

We ended 2013 with a black eye like a prize fighter at the end of the night; puffed up, bleeding, black and blue, and not sure where we were at.  Everything in me craved that big pretty bow ended, where suddenly all the stress of the year was gone, budgets suddenly were a perfect system, our business had no bumps and constantly pull income, our home magically had another room (and bathroom. Five people in 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom is a tad not fun.) and my children were clean, clothed, and smiling all looking at the camera for that perfect picture. 

I realized, I crave the story book ending the "and they lived happily ever after" for a story that isn't over. Yes the year has changed but the story, our story, my story, is far from over. The chapter called 2013 might be finished but, it was just a chapter. It was a life changing chapter, those chapters are never pretty, those chapters are broken, ugly, the kind of chapters that make you want to flip to the end of the story to make sure everything ends in a perfect big bow kind of way. I have forgotten, I know the last chapter of my life, I know what the last sentence is.

Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now,

 nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, 

nor anything else in the whole world will ever be able to 

separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 

So, 2014 bring on your chapter, any wonders, pain, changes, growth, happiness, joy, sadness, and life you might have in store.