Settling into Our Nest

I have a confession.
I might be the worlds worst housekeeper, sometimes I feel like the worst wife because of it. When the Hubby and I first got married I had this image in my head of everything I would do. All the laundry, a clean house, dinner on the table every night (healthy and homemade of course) all while having a job and becoming something more. Basically I had a case of the new bride syndrome. It is a high dangerous syndrome, brought on by months of dieting, studying white vs antique white, beading, tulle, sleep derivation, and a sugar high that takes months to move past.

Just like any sugar high I crashed, and by crashed I mean screamed at a friend in her dinning room that I was ready to walk after six months. Little did I realize it was my bi-polar flaring its head.
Little did I realize this house keeping, homemaking thing was something I was going to struggle with.

You can tell my mental state by my home. Not just mental but the state of my very being by my home. For the past year, as I fought tooth and nail for any sort of mental health, my home has been anything but homey. Now I am not saying I think everything should or could be spotless and perfectly in place every day of my life. I have two little boys, and a baby girl on the way, there is nothing spotless about that combination. I am talking more about taking care of our things, before a threat of a havac team moving in. Okay it didn't get that bad, I think.

Over the past few months with my new sense of clarity (aka, medication) I have had an over whelming sense of a need of home. Sense of my nest being a priority. I want us to settle into our nest, for it to be a safe place for our family. A place to feel recharged, loved and connected.

To me that doesn't mean perfectly swept floors, it means grace.
It means living the day as full as we can without business.
It means creating room for quite, for simple, for our nest to be ours...

Not what another persons, pinterest perfect home looks like. I know so much of it is me. My need to compare, my need to be perfect, my need to be normal. The graceless way that I look at myself. It is time for me to build my test, instead of tearing it down.