When I started this 31 day challenge, I thought it would be a great way for me to get into a good habit of writing more. I didn't think of the quality of what I was writing just the act of posting more. I would have never thought that it would wreak me like it has while firing something up inside me.
At the start of this nesting challenge my only thought was preparing our home for this next baby. The physical things, clean floors, folding baby clothes, the bassinet pulled out of the closet. Instead I was blind sided by the preparation my heart has gone through. Ive been torn to pieces and stitched back together with so much grace, joy, and excitement for this little girl coming into our lives.
Through this nesting stage, Ive realize how much fear I had over this little life being placed in my hands. How that fear, fear of hurting her, breaking her, was not only tearing me up but stealing this joyous time from me. That my fears not only blocked me from feeling all the joy I could, but blocked me from hearing from God, hearing those pieces of truth, blocked me from nesting into Him.
I know I wont be the perfect girl mom. I'm not the perfect boy mom now, but I am their mom. I am the mom they were suppose to have. The mom that is a little messy, kind of anxious, and desperatly wants them to be little lights in this world. I'm the mom that has 100 projects she wants to do, but will always put them down for her kids, the mom that tries to do it all and fails. I'm the the mom that loves her kids ferociously. I'm the mom that is little scared of glitter and pink, but willing to throw it all aside if that is what baby girl pate wants.
I'm the mom that knows I can't do it all without God.
That is my take away from this month. To nest into God, to build my heart, home and life in him. All the little broken twigs and random pieces we gather into our nest are more beautiful and safer when it is intertwined with His grace, His love, His hope, and most of all His promises.
Its sad to come to the end of this 31 days.
Even if I didn't make it all 31 days it was still a great journey.
You can read all the 31 days of Nesting post here.
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