Nesting at the hospital

These past few weeks have been rough. Baby girl pate seems bound and determined to come out before she's done cooking and it's totally wearing me out. It seems like everytime I turn around we're running to the hospital in another attempt to to hold on for a little longer.

It's killing me.

It's not the running back and forth, the contractions, shots, or heck even the IV's. It's the not knowing. 

It's it time? Are they going to get the contractions to stop? If she does come will she be alright?

It hit me yesterday how much fear I have going into this delivery. Fear that I haven't had before. Fear that I picked up somewhere that I really don't want. Yes there is so much I can fear right now. Having a csection if she stays breeched, development issues is she comes early, another nicu stay, all things I'm not ready for. Things I'm not ready to face, to fight. 

I'm learning a lot through this 31 days (besides the fact I'm not good at posting everyday). I am starting to see how much fear I carry, and how I carry it around while darting from one thing to another. Im not surprised I landed my self on bedrest. I've said it before, I'm not a good listener, so when I hear stop, I'll stop and just take a baby step. 

I'm not the only one right?