Friends

Ever since I was little I was terrified that no one would like me. I was never the coolest, funnest, or nicest kid in school, most of the time I felt like I was totally invisible, and honestly some times I really like it that way. But not always.

I wanted friends, I wanted someone to know me, to care if I was all right, to miss me if I was gone. I honestly wanted more than two people to say hi too when I was in class. 

I still feel lonely some times, I think its all the left overs from the years of feel isolated creeping back in but, I know I'm wanted. Not just by other people, but by God. Over the years the more I have learned how deep God's love is for me, and how much He wanted me the less I feel the uncontrollable saddens of the lonely. I realized I was scared to let other in. That I had put "friendship" as such high propriety that I was doing everything I could to "keep" a friendship. It was a fear of being rejected by someone that was totally crippling me in every way. It was a life changing experience, having that fear of rejection pointed out! I was finally able to love others as me, not as who I thought they needed me to be. I was able to take my guard down and not be fearful of some one leaving me. I was finally able to let people in and be willing and okay with letting them go if needed. I was able to be me, the me that God created.

 A funny thing happened, over the years I've developed some amazing friendships. I have people in my life that honestly care about me. They actually want to know what I think about, what I care about, what is going on in my life, and some of them even laugh at my jokes (which are honestly not funny at times, so thanks!). They are friends with the real me, and they are great friends! They are the kind of friends that when you tweet about blow outs, throw up, and splitting your pants all in the same day (actually in the same hour!) they show up on your door with flowers, coffee, and a huge hug telling you tomorrow will be better. You can't beat a friend like that!