Chosen

Thursday and Friday of last week was the Chosen women's conference here in Charleston. Not only was the weather perfect (like in the 70's kind of perfect!) but, everything ended up perfect in that messy God digging at you kind of way.

Some of the girls doing a little scripture doodling. Yes I'm the swollen preggo one!

See out church started a 21 day fast and I had been fasting and praying for my marriage, mommyhood, and ministry. I had no idea how the fast was going to look, or what God was going to say in any of it (honestly I wasn't sure if He was going to say anything at all.) but, I knew I wanted something more in them. More might not be what I got, more like a nice reminder of what He had said before. Like a nice 2x4 over the back of my head a couple of times.

Each session from this weekend felt like I was sitting there face to face with God getting a nice healthy chewing out session. Do you know what I mean? Where by the end of the speakers message, you sit there and wonder if you are the only person in the room, how did they know your total story and pretty much just read your mail, yeah it was two days of that seven sessions in all of God letting me having it. Can I tell you by Saturday afternoon I was pretty spent.

This is what I was reminded of. Long ago God put a burning in me to reach out to other women, a burning I fought like a mad women. I didn't like women, I didn't want anything to do with women ministry. I didn't want to do cake walks and bake sells, heck at that time I didn't even like coffee! But, still I was called. Called to lead. Lead in a way where you share the Jesus and sometimes use words.. Action I was called to action.

I haven't been taking action. Have I been volunteering? Yes. Active Leading... I'm going to have to say no. Have I been putting my heart into these women? Some of them, the ones that I naturally have a connection with. Have I been searching out the hurting, no. Have I been using gifts that God has given me to further His glory. Nope.

Chosen Volunteer. I have been Chosen, not just for the conference!

I've been fearful. Terrified more like it! Terrified that my voice isn't big enough. That someone out there would think I was trying to copy someone else. See I love to write, I love to teach, I want my voice, my life, and all the imperfections to be used by God so that others can hear His voice, see His love, and see how He does still work in our lives!

I felt like I didn't have a right. That I have dear friends that I love that do an amazing job at sharing their lives and that was "their" thing. That I couldn't do it because they already were doing it. I know ridiculousness!! After a nice hour long pray, fight, listening, maybe crying, sitting on the floor (yes 8 months pregnant women sitting on the floor, I'm surprised I'm not still stuck there) this is what I felt, heard, how ever you want to put it.

I gave you a voice, use it.

I gave you a story, share it.

I gave you hope, restore it.

I gave you creativity, run with it.

Does your story have similar pieces as another's story, yes.

The devil doesn't have that many tricks,

and knows the ones that can make everyone stumble

so he has used them on all, but every story that shows My Glory must be told!

So what am I going to do, what's my action plan? I'm not sure yet! I just know I have to push into this and Him so much more and keep seeking. Keep talking about it, let the things that God has showed me sink it and do something with it! I refuse to feel only satisfied from knowing, and not acting.