I don't know if it's from the strain of moving, being pregnant, running around like a crazy person all week trying to be there for everyone else while having this fear of letting someone down, or the fact that Nov. 3rd was suppose to be our due date. But, I'm sad. It's like when you have a hurt muscle and you don't always remember it's there until you turn the wrong way and the pain just shoots through your whole body. It's just like that, but my muscle is my heart. It hurts, it aches, it's bruised.
It sucks....
It sucks that my little one isn't going to be here. It sucks that it still hurts so much. It sucks that I think of that little baby that was due in November, and then I think of the one that was suppose to be here in January of 10. I hate that all I want to do is crawl in a ball, sob, and sleep. I hate that I can be so devastated, yet carrying another child....
I'm suppose to be happy, I'm suppose to be glowing, but I'm crying. It's so odd. I know the 3rd is going to be really hard, screw really hard its going to flat out suck. I know I'm going to think not only of our Baby Angel, but of Baby Wyatt too. Then I'm going to light a candle and just sit and cry.... All the while, I know Little Guy is going to be kicking the snot out of me and Baby Man will be climbing up my side wanting snuggles.
Oh the balance of mother hood.
Here are our candles. I love them because when we lost our first baby my hubby carved the babies name in to a tree, so the fact that they look like little trees I love!
The funny thing is, Baby Man is obsessed by them. He want's to smell them and give them kisses. I don't know why he kisses them, I didn't teach him that, but I love that he does it.
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