Fever

Yes, I've been sick. Honestly I don't think I have ever been this sick in my life. Even preggo swine flu was not this bad, seriously.

It has just been one thing after another.
First the sore throat,
then light headiness,
stuffy nose,
then my face exploded.
Okay maybe not exploded but, I'm telling you I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

Yes, sinus infection. Yes, I don't like it.
Did I mention I pulled my neck coughing so hard?

So stuffy sick whinny me realized something last night.
I'm a week late.
Now before you get all excited or questioning my mental sanity, I'm not.

I threw a fit.
For some reason I didn't realize but, I have a fever.
A baby fever.
(yes I know I have a baby but, another baby.)

I just keep thinking about a little dark headed girl with big blue eyes giggling.
Pink dresses and tutus, the whole nine yards.

So me in my whinny pouting state sat down today and just didn't want to deal with life.
I wanted to be pregnant.
I wanted to run out and get Holden a "I'm the big brother" shirt.
I wanted to think of some cute and fun way of telling ya'll.
I wanted to call the doctor and set up an appointment to see the little one.
I really thought I was pregnant.

What do I do?
I read blogs, well a blog and get kicked in the pants.
(Thanks Jessi)
Thanks God... Can I not have a day to pout? guess not..

I know God wants so much for me.
He wants me to have the desires of my heart. He wants to do something big in my life. Not just little things, but big moving the world kind of things.
I want that!
I want Him to show up big.
He has done it time and time before!

From healing my heart from my past, to giving me an amazing little boy when I wasn't suppose to have one! So why would I pout about not getting what I want now!

I want a baby now, but I know that God has a perfect time and place for me.
I think I want that more.