Emotion? Wait do I have any of those left?

So today was draining. Very, emotionally draining but, in such an amazing God kind of way. It started with me really kind of stepping out there and confessing things in a big way. Like go big or go home kind of way. Wait you'll see. It was hard but, I was truly blessed in the long run.

It hit me today, how important I am to my friends. Its humbling. Not that I'm Mother Theresa or anything but, honestly some times I feel like I put in a tons more than I feel like I'm getting out of just friendship in general. I know that I would drop anything at a drop of a hat to be there for my friends but, it still takes my breath away when they show up for me. Not by any means that I have cold hearted friends, just I don't expect it. It really brought me to tears to see one of my friends drive all the way to church just to write on a silly piece of cardboard because I just couldn't.

Then, drained, sullen, and dishearten I had to walk into to small group. Not as an active participate no, as a leader. Which was a larger first for me. I've really been struggling having faith in my self. I have tons of faith in God I know that He's got it. I know He works everything out for good. I know this out an once of doubt that He wanted me to lead, I just didn't know if I could do it. I really started having an over whelming fear of letting Him down. That I wasn't going to be what He thought I could be.

I know how stupid. Of course He knew what it was going to be like. He knew every one, thought, and idea that everyone had! He knew what questions we would get to, He knew that we would so get side tracked! He knew that I could do it! He also knew that I would question my self and get kicked right back in the butt. I have to have faith in my self because with out that, how much faith do I truely have in God?