Under Qualified and Thankful

I'm a mom. It still freaks me out a bit and sometimes, if I'm honest it is over whelming at times. The thought that I am responsible for an other human well being and teaching them right from wrong kind of makes me hyperventilate. I'm still wrestling with whats right and whats wrong daily and now you want me to teach two little people what to do? On top of teaching them colors, letters, how to eat with a fork, not to push little girls, how to write (he's a lefty, and I'm dyslexic so that's all kinds of fun!) and to pee standing up!

Needless to say I'm still wondering who said I was qualified for this job. Really, when did my mommy sign the permission form for this ride?

But, then in the quite afternoons, when both boys are asleep and all that can be heard is the humming of the dish washer and the rumbling of the washer and dryer, curled up with an actual hot cup of coffee I realize, I'm not qualified and I'm so thankful for that. See if it was up to me I would have messed this up a long time ago. My lack of qualification means, some one else has to step in, that I have a team mate in this parenting thing. No, not team mate more like a coach. The perfect parent, the perfect spouse, the perfect love, all I have to do is ask. "What next Lord?"

I have to admit, sometimes (if not most of the time) its not a quite curled up with my coffee cup kind of conversation. Most of the time its a mid-diaper change and the little guy is pooping as I'm wiping, the baby man has climbed up on the bar again, and my phone is ringing for the 40th time, and I call out (or scream depending on how you look at it) "God, really?!" Thankfully He still loves me in my sassy-ness. So I take a big breath, count to 10 or 50 depending on the day, and think what would God say. Normally, its "love". Love this moment, love this child, love this poop. 

It's hard. But, finding love in the situation, looking at all of it as a blessing, makes this time enjoyable, not just enjoyable but so much more than that. It makes these moments something you anticipate, long for, look forward too. Love makes these moments, moments I love. These moments make me feel blessed, blessed to live them with these little people. Blessed to have my hubby as my teammate, blessed to have God as my coach. Blessed to know that hopefully one day my boys will see how blessed I am. 

Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her Proverbs 31:28