A Tear

This past week has been a hard one, one that I wasn't even going to talk about. Today is the year mark of when we lost our baby. It's strange how the emotions pop up and then just drift off. Bouncing between a newborn and a two year old, and being so busy this week has been a blessing. I almost think that a part of me, kept us busy on purpose. Even with all the business it still pops up.

That small sadness, a little prayer, a passing knot in your throat.

It still showed up.

I was rocking littleguy the night before last and was singing him our "family" song.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.

We always just sing the chorus of the song, its the part everyone knows, but for some reason the verse popped in my head.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms but when I awoke dear, I was mistaken.

So I hung my head and cried.

and that's what I did. I cried. Not the gut wrenching cry from before. But, just a tear.

One for both of our babies, one because they arent here, for all my dear friends and their babies they lost, one because I would give anything just to see what they look like to hold their little hands, one because if I had them I wouldn't have babyman or littleguy.

Just so many tears.

So I'm going to cry, sit in this moment for a minute, then I'm going to get up and keep going. I'm going to praise God for the few moments I had with my babies, for all the moments I have now with my boys, and all the moments I will have with all my children in heaven. I'm going to rejoice in the memory of my little trees.