Tonight my heart feels heavy. Its sadden and feels almost like its moving slowly. I have this pesky little need to please, well everyone. I try to be everything I can for everyone I can. I want to be the best friend, the best wife, the best life group leader, church member, volunteer I can be. I problem is, I cant.
I want so desperately for others to just be proud of me. It gives me an identity. Now not in a prideful way, but like I have worth. I take it personally when I don't get the phone calls from friends, when people don't show for group, or when I feel over looked.
It makes my heart heavy.
I just have to remember that God is proud of me. More proud of me than anyone can ever be. I work hard to have a relationship with Him. I work hard on growing as close to Him as I can humanly get. I am significant to Him.
Does it still hurt when people don't show. Yes. It hurts because I give all of my self to everything I do. Every relationship, every event, every thought. I am just the kind of person that gives my all every chance I can.
But, I do it for no one but God. So my heart is not going to be heavy. It's going to be joyful because I was asked to do everything like I am doing it for my Savior, my God! I am going to give as much passion, heart, and love that I can. If it hurts it hurts!
I rather experience pain, heartache, disappointment, or sadness than ever be numb and live a life of motions not emotions! Where's the heart in that?
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