Getting it...

Over the past few months, I've been struggling. I have felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. I didn't know who this, Tiffany Pate character was. I didnt think I liked her all that much either. Now, I have to be honest, its not that I turned into some sort of crazy mean person. Very much the opposite. I became this passive, mindless, I cant make a decision on my own kind off women. Not anything like me at all. But, I was a wife now, and my husband came first so what ever I had to do for that to work, is what I did. It started when we first got married, I would make sure I was home before he got off work and clean up everything. I did all the laundry, had stuff ready for dinner, took care of bills, set up times for us to hang out with other couples, pretty much ran our home. Can I tell you how much I hated it!!! I became completely over whelmed, and felt like a total failure.


In my mind, I wanted to be Bree from desperate housewives. I wanted to have the perfect home, with the perfect dinner parties, and I wanted to be on top of everything. I wanted our marriage to be as perfect as I could make it. I didn't realize that I had once again taken my life out of God's hands and giving my self a one way ticket to nutsville! I tend to do this all the time. I take on everything, to take care of everyone. I feel like I should hold everything on my shoulders so no one else needs to worry. I know stupid right?

No person, male or female, is made to take the kind of pressure I was putting on myself. I was not, nor will I ever have a perfect marriage. It doesn't exist. The only perfect relationship, is the relationship that God gives us. God is perfect, we suck at it. Its a hard lesson for me to learn. It's been a hard life lesson. I always try to become what another person wants/needs/ or I think they need. Its why I lose my self alot. I lose my identity.

This is who I am. These are the things that I need to hold on too:
I am a daughter of God.
I am a princesses.
I love art.
I love people.
I feel the most connected to God and others when I pray for them.
I do not like to do laundry! (No matter how hard I try to like it!)
I love babies!
I want to be a mom.
I want to work in ministry.
I can not wait to go on a mission trip!!!!
I love my life!
I love God!
I love my Family!
I am blessed to be married to my best friend!


As hard as this life can get, I have to remember there will always be ups, downs, and some times it can even get a little sideways, but its always going to be great!