Its not because I don't think its important, I do.
Its not because ours is so perfect, cause its not.
It's not because I'm hiding something, that's just no true either.
It is simple because the Hubby isn't as transparent as I am, so my not writing about it is more of an act of respect to him. He wouldn't be mad if I did, I just think its important to do things simply as acts of respect for our spouses. With that being said, there has been this lesson, thought, action that has been bearing down on me the past few weeks that I just have to get out.
Since the weekend after Thanksgiving the Hubby has been working out of town. More specifically, New Jersey, working with the aftermath of Sandy (which people, it is still a mess up there in some parts. Continue to pray for them.) He was traveling back and for, 2 weeks up there then 3 days home for all of December and January, and half of February, thankfully he is home now!
Can I tell you, it was stinking hard! Not just him being gone, missing Christmas and New Years, oh and Valentines Day, oh me having the kids with out my partner. Those were all hard, but what was harder was connecting.
Now when he came home for the few brief days what do you think we did. You guessed it, ran around with the family. After all he was with out his sons for most of the month so why not run to the children's museum (btw ours here is great you should go if you live in Charleston!) chick fil a, the parks, beach, and all the other fun things you can do with two little boys.
What do you think we talked about, you've also guessed it. The boys, bills, all those conversations we didn't get to have were crammed into a three day period. Can you guess what we didn't do. Date night. Time by our selves, Time alone.
Yup didn't happen. So it was no wonder we got snippy. Okay I got snippy. Here I was managing everything for days and weeks on end only to have Hubby come home and help, or as I saw take over. I'm not going to lie it was hard.
It was hard letting him back in. Not in a I froze him out kind of way, but when you do from making all sorts of decisions your self back into the kind of marriage that we have, where we decide all most everything together, its a big switch in gears. Especially to turn around and switch back a few days later.
There was one trip home that was just, stressful. The boys were far from perfect (because the normally are perfe..... ha, I almost got that out with out laughing!) I was stressed with two markets to prep for, a conference to help decorate and was out of coffee, just not great time. The Hubby and I were just nipping at each other non-stop. You know what I mean? Just throwing out little jabs here and there, some half under our breath, others just full force left hooks.
So I did what all of us good southern women do, I cleaned...
Stacked the dishes as loud as I could, slammed a cabinet door as if I was trying to take it off its hinges, might have even thrown a new rag or two cross the room because it wasn't "clean" enough (in my defense I was throwing it in a laundry pile...) till finally the Hubby came in.
I was ready to pounce. I let him have it with everything my little 5'3" self had. I told him my mind, shacked my finger at him, and had my hand planted firmly on my hip.
You know what he did.
He grabbed me by my arm, pulled me close and started to dance to the song play on Pandora.
because sometimes the only answer is to stop and slow dance in the kitchen......
I get so focused on what needs to be done that I forget to relax. I'm not spontaneous, I don't know how to kick up my heels and not have a plan. My to-do list are miles long, and I don't stop from the moment I get up, till far after my head hits the pillow.
I have to learn to dance.
Juggling being a wife, friend, mom, business owner, blogger, and just Tiffany can create a lot of pressure, a lot of to-dos, a lot of stress.
The funny thing, a lot of the stress is self inflected, ok most.
My house doesn't have to be the cleanest (yes there are clean standards for general well being).
My boys aren't always going to be dressed.
I can't turn product out in a day.
I might not get to your email till 9 pm. Or the next day depending on what my boys are doing.
I need to be okay with it.
I need to dance in it.